Judith will be exploring these themes at Shambhala Mountain Center in April.

Romantic love, no matter how delicious, is the primary symptom of cultural malaise, the central neurosis of Western civilization.

By romantic love I mean that which focuses upon the loved one as an object of passion, devotion, and fixation. The loved one becomes the answer to all of life’s problems, the source of all our happiness, and potentially, the source of all of our woes. But, if we are honest with ourselves, we can see that romantic love is deeply unhappy love, addicted to misery and suffering, cloaked in fantasy and separation.

Romantic love has become a kind of religion in Western culture. In his landmark book, Love in the Western World, Denis de Rougemont traced the development of romantic love in the courtly tradition of the Middle Ages, describing it as a Christian heresy. He described how Christian nobles transferred their devotion from the unattainable god to the unattainable lover, imbuing her with ideal traits beyond any mortal woman. He argued that such a view of romantic love survives today; even now, one of the most pervasive and unacknowledged forms of theism is our romantic life. We have made the lover into a god, and we are in love with love rather than with the lover. The lover is cast in a specific role in order for him or her to remain a god.

What are the qualities of romantic relationships? First of all, romantic love thrives on separation. The unattainable love is the most attractive one—someone who is married to someone else, living in a distant city, or in a nexus of the forbidden. The girl or boy next door is not a good candidate for romantic fantasy, and neither is one’s spouse. Separation makes the heart grow fonder and more passionate, because with separation the fantasy of the lover can be kept alive. The reality of the person cannot threaten the fantasy. For this reason, many newlyweds become quickly disillusioned over the mundane realities of married life. The courtship was so exciting, but marriage is too real, too ordinary.

Because romance thrives on separation, it is sexy but never sexually fulfilled. If one were truly satiated sexually, then the romance would be threatened. Often, the lover chooses the mystical option of desire, giving up the living, breathing sexual partner for the fantasy of the unattainable lover. Illicit love affairs are hot, but are rarely resolved in marriage.

Secondly, romantic love is frightfully impersonal. We are looking for our “type”—an intellectual, a jock, an ethereal blonde. Our typing can become very subtle, including our lover’s taste in clothes or way of walking. But we are in love with a fantasy; the person of the lover is absent. It actually helps not to have the person around too much, because they might destroy the fantasy. We have a terror that love may become too real.

Making the lover into a god, we foster a sense of poverty in ourselves. This is a lack of completion, which manifests as insatiable desire. We feel inadequate and helpless without a lover. When we have made the lover into a god, we can never join our lover. We are stuck in a situation of desperate longing, of neediness and insecurity. This is why de Rougemont called romantic love a Christian heresy; passion means suffering, and we have misplaced our devotion onto a fantasy, which has trapped us forever in unhappiness.

To explore how we can see through fantasy, find the gifts of disappointment, and relate with the magic of reality, click here for more information  on Judith Simmer-Brown’s weekend retreat at Shambhala Mountain in April. 

 An excerpt from the March 2010 issue of Shambhala Sun magazine. Shown here by permission of Shambhala Sun magazine, a non-profit publication of Shambhala Sun Foundation, www.shambhalasun.com

CLICK HERE to watch Sue’s Interview on YouTube

If you’re in need of forward direction, Sue will be teaching the workshop See Your Dream Job at Shambhala Mountain this month! Simply follow the program link for more information and to register.

Today meditation has to be practiced collectively as a family, a city, a nation, and a community of nations.     – Thich Nhat Hanh

Folks are initially attracted to Shambhala Mountain Center for the pristine land and the opportunity to meet and study with the many brilliant teachers from various traditions thatvisit each year. What I personally find most surprisingly delightful about every program that I have attended–and there have been many–is that participants invariably create a heartfelt, caring community. Whether it be an introductory meditation program, a Qigong intensive, or the women’s annual cancer retreat, I am always touched by the kindness and care everyone has for each other — even though many of us just met.

In Buddhism, we talk about taking refuge in the three jewels: the Buddha (teacher), the Dharma (teachings), and the Sangha (community). These three jewels are the foundation for all forms of Buddhism. In the West, we have a tendency to focus on the teacher or particular teachings, often neglecting the third jewel that allows these first two to flourish. As Thich Nhat Hanh predicts:

“The next Buddha may not take the form of an individual. In the twenty-first century the Sangha may be the body of the Buddha. We have the power to bring the next Buddha into existence in this century.”

As we begin not only a new year but a new decade, we have the power to create an enlightened society. And it is only through compassion and loving-kindness that we will survive the immense challenges that now threaten our planet.

We invite you visit Shambhala Mountain Center and experience the magic of the land, the profundity of practicing with our incredible teachers, but most importantly, the preciousness of sharing this journey with one another.

Also, if you have been to Shambhala Mountain Center, please share your story. We’d love to hear from you.

Brian Spielmann

]]> http://www.shambhalablog.org/373/three-jewels/feed/ 1 http://www.shambhalablog.org/357/report-from-iran/ http://www.shambhalablog.org/357/report-from-iran/#comments Thu, 31 Dec 2009 16:49:22 +0000 brian http://www.shambhalablog.org/?p=357 Tina Patterson, who runs our international travel program, is currently in Iran working on our 2010 Iran trip. Here’s her report.

I have been traveling in Iran for 4 days now and I thought some of you might enjoy reading about what I have experienced so far:

Sunday. Landed in Tehran at 2.00 a.m. Immigration and customs goes very quickly. Nobody is allowed to bring alcohol into the country. Women must wear head scarves but the dress code in Tehran is very liberal. Women wear jeans and boots and heels but he whole body is covered (no t-shirts or short skirts!)

Tehran is a city of 15 million people and aside from the beautiful museums there is not much to see in Tehran. However, I was struck by how modern and progressive the city looked. It is a clean city (except for the air) and surprisingly, the architecture is very Western looking. But the most amazing part of Tehran are the mountains that ascend from the city everywhere you look.

We visited the Shah’s old palace which is located in Northern Tehran which happens to be the most affluent part of town. The cost for an apartment in Northern Tehran is about $ 500 per square foot. And if one wants to buy one you have to pay cash. There are no mortgages in Iran. As for owning a car, it costs about $ 8 to fill up a tank. Our guide told us that someone in Tehran just brought in 250 Porsches from Germany which will be sold here within a week or two. Iran is the source of the second largest oil reserve in the world but has only the capability to refine 35%. This means they end up importing gasoline mostly form India.

Although Iran has all that oil money, the infrastructure and the tourist facilities and nowhere near as developed as they are for example in Dubai or the Emirates. Although the money is there, the government does not allow for it to be used for private investments in hotels for example or up scale restaurants.

We don’t see a lot of poverty here though. The only beggars so far were illegal immigrants from Pakistan and Afghanistan.

The best thing about Tehran was a visit to one of the tea houses where people go to socialize, have tea and smoke water pipes. Women are allowed inside. As a matter of fact, women in Iran enjoy pretty much the same rights as men. Women own businesses, there a 9 women representatives in Parliament, women go to college etc. Only the clergy positions are strictly reserved for men. Marriage is often still arranged but less and less so. When a couple gets married the husband and wife agree on the dowry i.e. the value of the dowry. If the husband divorces the wife he has to pay the dowry (and only then does he have to pay it) plus alimony. Divorce is allowed by both parties so it’s not as strict as we think!

Our guide is fantastic! He lived in the U.S. for over 12 years and went to college in the U.S. He has a Masters in Business and he is incredibly knowledgeable. His English is perfect and he has taught us more in 4 days about the history of civilization in general, Islam and the politics in Iran than I will ever be able to remember. He is very liberal, speaks his mind about the political situation which he opposes (he watches CNN, BBC.. he even gets FOX TV which he does not think much of and VH1… he is totally up on today’s music scene!) He knows about everything… history, culture, politics, social issues. I hope some of you will have the pleasure of traveling with him and getting to know him. He is an exceptional guide with a great personality.

Many of the people here are reformists, and some are monarchists and do not  agree with the political structure currently in place and… not everyone is religious! Our guide, our driver, many of the people at the hotel they do not pray three times a day and they do not go to mosques! (Shiites pray 3 times a day, Sunis 5 times.. there are no Sunis in Iran). As for their views when it comes to the West, our guide told me that many Iranians, the majority, are looking for a way to establish a harmonious relationship with the West and with Israel and yes, they like America and Americans! At the moment, they feel completely isolated from the rest of the world. By the way, Iran has the second highest population of Jewish people in the Middle East after Israel and the Jewish population is even represented by two people in the parliament.

We were lucky to have been here during the last few days of Ashura, the holiest day of the year in the Shiite religion. During this time people honor the martyrdom of the third saint Hussein. People walk through the streets and flagellate themselves with small chains. This tradition dates back for thousands of years.

On the second day we flew to Kerman where one of the most important Sufi saints is buried. From there we set out on an amazing drive across the desert to Yazd. Iran is surrounded by beautiful mountain ranges and you can see them in the distance as you drive through the desert. Many of the mountains are snowcapped. It’s amazing to think that we are in the cradle of civilization. Mesopotamia is only a few hundred miles away and so, by the way, is the Afghan border.

Yazd is home to the Zoroastrians. This is an ancient religion which honors and worships fire (Thus spoke Zarathustra) and used to have sky burials (just like the Tibetans). The fire in the Zoroastrian temple is said to have been kept lit since the 1600s. Yazd is also home to one of the most beautiful and well preserved Friday Mosques in the country with incredibly intricate and magnificent tile work.

Today, New Year’s Eve we are driving for 6 hours to Shiraz with a stop at the ancient site of Pasargadae. Nothing but desert as far as the eye can see. Our guide is giving a talk on the evolution of civilization in this part of the world and on the evolution and origins of writing and settlements. The first signs of civilization in Iran date back 8000 years!! Yesterday we learned about the old Silk Road as we drove by a caravanserai in the desert which once was used to provide food and shelter for the merchants and their camels. The Silk Road began in China on to Mongolia, on to the steppes of Transoxiana (Northeast of Iran), then down to Samarkand and Bukhara in Uzbekistan then Turkmenistan, then to Isfahan and Shiraz in Iran, then to Baghdad, then to Saudi Arabia, Yemen and Ethiopia. Fascinating!

I’m sure everyone is interested about the immediate political situation but I don’t feel comfortable addressing that on the internet. All I can say is that many of the “myths” created by Western TV and news have been shattered within a few days of being here and interacting with the local people who have been nothing but friendly, curious and welcoming. I feel completely safe here.

When we visited the site of Pasargadae today, which marks the beginning of the Persian history, our guide said that if all the Iranian people understood and appreciated their long and rich cultural heritage, there would have never been a revolution in Iran!

On that note I leave you all with a Happy New Year’s wish from one of the most fascinating places in the world! Enjoy the photos!

Tina Patterson is the founder of Authentic Asia and has been leading trips to Asia, Europe and the Middle East for the past twenty years. Besides Iran, 2010 upcoming trips include Bhutan, Nepal, Mustang, Tibet & Nepal, and India & Sikkim.

But as I watched her gestures flow into one another, I realized how mistaken I was—there was nothing insignificant about it. Opening my mind, I saw how each aspect of the movement was sacred, how each movement was interdependent upon the other.

How often is it in life that we drop out of the present moment, skipping forward, attempting to experience pleasure and avoid pain? Hollywood captured it well in Adam Sandler’s movie Click. And how often do we recognize these habitual impulses, let them be, and choose instead to remain in the freshness of the here and now, not be seduced by the dream of hope and fear?

The Shambhala teachings remind us that when we abandon our hopes and fears—our concepts of the world—we experience basic goodness, and see the world exactly as it is. As Pema Chödrön puts it:

We can stop and take three conscious breaths, and the world has a chance to open up to us in that gap. We can allow space into our state of mind.

This takes discipline and practice. But what better time to engage in this practice than right now, as winter approaches? Opening to the seemingly cold and dead phenomenal world, we find that, in reality, the present moment is totally alive—each moment has a gift to offer us.

We invite you to schedule some time at Shambhala Mountain Center to deepen your practice of returning to the present moment, whether your flavor of practice be meditation, yoga, an ancient wisdom tradition, or simply being in nature through self-directed retreat.

How precious this time is.

Brian

The heart that is broken has been broken open.

- Susan Piver

Practically everyone has an opinion about the healthcare debate currently raging in Congress. Undeniably, it’s a heated issue. But despite all the discussion, it seems that one critical element is consistently overlooked: compassion.

Dr. David R. Shlim, who will be teaching our upcoming Medicine & Compassion retreat, has devoted his life’s work to making compassion a more prevalent focus of Western medicine. In the introduction to Medicine & Compassion: A Tibetan Lama’s Guidance for Caregivers, Dr. Shlim explains:

“It’s ironic that this lack of overt compassion in medicine comes at a time when medicine can do more for a patient than at any time in history. Despite…remarkable achievements, few people seem as happy as they should be with the way medicine is practiced…A piece of the puzzle is missing, and that missing piece may be compassion.”

As a society, we have the technology to perform open-heart surgery but we lack the guidance to open our hearts with strength and empathy. 

Compassion literally means “to suffer with,” implying that we actually extend our experience of ourselves to include the suffering of others. Faced with the immense suffering going on all over the planet, it’s a daunting concept. For most of us, the idea of opening to suffering conjures up fears of overwhelm and emotional exhaustion. But here’s another irony: Studies show that bringing compassion into our daily lives actually makes us more competent, focused, and present.

Millions of years of evolution have taught us to shut down to pain and suffering. Perhaps it’s a necessary defense mechanism but, at a certain point, this defense begins to harm us more than it protects us. And at a time when compassion is crucial, we need support to transcend these habitual responses. As New York Times bestselling author Susan Piver, who will lead our upcoming Wisdom of a Broken Heart retreat, reminds us, it’s a truly courageous step to embrace the dark power of heartbreak as a means to open the heart of compassion.

At Shambhala Mountain Center, this support is available to you. Whichever of our programs feels right for you, we invite you to take advantage of this support – because the world needs us to bring compassion back into the discussion now more than ever.

“Years hence, when every country has a Ministry of Peace, people will look back and ask: ‘What took us so long?’ After all, we have a ministry for almost everything else: health, education and so on. How odd that, of all things, we have no ministries of peace. Peace is the key to accomplishing the rest.

“Peace is the global imperative. The huge challenges we face will not be resolved through aggression. Aggression got us into this global crisis in the first place. Now, even the survival of the biosphere is under threat. We are not going pull back from this catastrophe by using the very same mindset and methods that bought us to this brink. Nor is this a crisis we can resolve through good wishes alone. We need a coordinated global plan which will bring together the brightest minds, the best plans and the most gifted leadership. The backbone of that plan will be the Ministries of Peace.”

At present three countries have established ministries of peace: Costa Rica, Nepal and the Solomon Islands. There are hopes that Canada might be the next nation to do so. The President of Shambhala has written to the leaders of all Canadian parties on the Sakyong’s behalf. The full text of the letter follows.

To the Leaders of All Canadian National Political Parties,

I have the honour to transmit to you the following aspiration from the Sakyong, Jamgon Mipham Rinpoche, the supreme head of the Shambhala Buddhist lineage, headquartered in Canada, in support of the initiative to create a Canadian Department of Peace.

This statement has been issued in conjunction with the Global Summit for Ministries and Departments of Peace held in Costa Rica in September 2009:

“Years hence, when every country has a Ministry of Peace, people will look back and ask: ‘What took us so long?’ After all, we have a ministry for almost everything else: health, education and so on. How odd that, of all things, we have no ministries of peace. Peace is the key to accomplishing the rest.

Peace is the global imperative. The huge challenges we face will not be resolved through aggression. Aggression got us into this global crisis in the first place. Now, even the survival of the biosphere is under threat. We are not going pull back from this catastrophe by using the very same mindset and methods that bought us to this brink. Nor is this a crisis we can resolve through good wishes alone. We need a coordinated global plan which will bring together the brightest minds, the best plans and the most gifted leadership. The backbone of that plan will be the Ministries of Peace.”

РThe Sakyong, Jamg̦n Mipham Rinpoche

I am writing to you now, as the leaders of all the national political parties in Canada, to urge your support for this peace initiative, both on a national and global level. On the global level, this initiative is being spearheaded by the Global Alliance for Ministries and Departments of Peace and, in Canada, by the Canadian Department of Peace Initiative (CDPI).

Finding and remaining at peace is the heart aspiration of the great wisdom traditions and noble societies of the world. In common with many others, Shambhala Buddhism believes we can pursue a genuine path to peace by sensing and harnessing the transformative power of our basic human goodness. Such a view is central to Shambhala’s outlook and practices, which are dedicated to disciplines of personal and social transformation. Both are necessary to dissipate prevailing tendencies towards fear and confusion and open the way to cultivating peace in our lives and our world. This is a genuine and practical basis for effective compassionate action, so sorely needed in this time of escalating global uncertainty, change, conflict and alienation.

As the Sakyong stated when presenting the first Living Peace Award to His Holiness the Dalai Lama, “Peace is not a choice for some; it is imperative for all. It is the only way forward for humanity and our planet.”

Peace cannot be won in the abstract but is earned through diligent effort that respects the experience of others and from that ground, listens, learns and communicates — a living practice of genuine human engagement. This quest for living peace cannot wait. Now is the time for people and societies of good faith to step forward assertively to place the campaign for peace in the forefront of our thoughts and efforts.

Shambhala wholeheartedly endorses significant advancements to build a culture of peace in our era. The Global Alliance for Ministries and Departments of Peace is perhaps foremost among them. Shambhala believes we can and should play an active role in this and similar civil society efforts which have so much in common with our vision and mission.

We are also supportive of the efforts of CDPI. The mandate of the Minister of Peace would be to reinvigorate Canada’s role as a peacekeeper and peace builder, advancing nonviolent responses to domestic and international conflict. This would include: the establishment of a civilian peace service in Canada; the development of peace education at all levels, including post-secondary peace and conflict studies; the development of early detection and rapid response processes to deal with emerging conflicts; international leadership to abolish nuclear, biological and chemical weapons, to reduce conventional weapon arsenals, and to ban the weaponization of space as part of a worldwide transition from war-based to peace-based economies.

We are delighted that there was a Canadian delegation to the 4th Global Summit for Ministries and Departments of Peace held in Costa Rica in mid-September. Oscar Arias, president of Costa Rica and Nobel peace laureate himself, hosted the conference in this, the third country to launch a Peace Ministry. We hope that Canada will soon follow.

In anticipation of your supportive response and commitment to action, I send you every good wish,

Richard Reoch

President of Shambhala

(This announcement was from the Shambhala News Service

I discovered a way into this flow several years ago when I was on a lengthy meditation retreat. I requested permission to write for several hours a day during the final days of the program because I was on a book deadline. Between fairly lengthy meditation sessions, I returned to my room to work and found that I was in the midst of a writing experience unlike any other. I had no hesitation about how to begin. When I finished expressing one idea, it was like the next one was right there, waiting to be written down. When I returned to my work the next day, it was as if the exact stopping point had been bookmarked in my mind and I was able to pick up precisely where I left off. Most noticeably, I found that the normal problems I had with self-doubt and being overly critical of myself were gone. This was a tremendous discovery. I left the retreat thinking that there was something magical about this combination of meditation and writing practices.

Most people who love writing are also petrified of it. Why, I cannot tell you. I only know that we all experience some form of hesitation when it comes to the blank page. The writers retreats that I lead help to deal with obstacles and blocks and encourage you to trust your voice. We use 4 tools during the writing and creativity retreat.

1. Meditation. The practice of breath-awareness meditation helps gather and quiet the mind. It teaches two precious skills: first, it builds concentration and second, it relaxes the mind. Each day begins with meditation practice (instruction will be offered) and we return to the meditation cushion for a brief session after lunch and again before dinner.

2. Journaling. Sometimes called morning pages or free writing, we’ll follow our morning meditation with 3 pages of long hand, stream of consciousness writing. The purpose of this is to begin to focus your mind on writing, but without any agenda or chance for self-criticism.

3. Personal Writing. You will have two 2-hour periods (one in the morning and one in the afternoon) to devote yourself to your personal writing. You can work on an existing project, dream up a new one, write in your journal, or just sit down at your pad (or computer) and see what happens.

4. Conversation. Each evening, one or two people will have a chance to share their work. The purpose of this is not to offer literary criticism or criticism of any other kind. The purpose is to simply open to and take in the words of a particular writer. We ask ourselves questions like, “What does it feel like to hear this writer’s work?” “How would we describe their voice?” “What was particularly striking and where did we become lost?” “What do we think this writer is really trying to say?” Questions such as these are designed to help the writer (who is silent during the conversation) see what happens when their work has a chance to “breathe” in a friendly, supportive environment. Many participants report that this was the portion of the program that was most frightening, but turned out to be the most inspiring.

My sincere hope is that each writer (whether or not you call yourself one!) will leave feeling inspired by his or her own story and confident in their unique voice.

Susan is offering both a weekend Writing and Creativity retreat October 23-25 and a more intensive writing retreat October 23-29.

Susan Piver is the New York Times bestselling author of four books and a frequent contributor to the Shambhala Sun and Body+Soul magazine. Her next book, The Wisdom of a Broken Heart is due out in January, 2010. She has been authorized to teach meditation in the Shambhala Buddhist lineage since 2006.

“Relationship is the training ground for practice,” reflects the Sakyong,”and it’s also the place where your practice is tested. If you’re trying to practice compassion, a relationship will show you how well you’re dealing with your own mind. Outside, you can pretend you’re practicing compassion, but when you’re trying to practice compassion with the people who are close to you, you see how theoretical it is.”

This is true of any intimate relationship, whether it be between lovers, friends, or parents and children. It becomes obvious whether we’re being authentic, whether our hearts are truly open. We learn to remain steadfast even when the impetus to deny or indulge our emotions becomes overwhelming.

It seems fitting that so many of our upcoming programs center around this theme. This month, Kate and Joel Feldman will lead our couples retreat, exploring how to deepen commitment to the path of loving partnership. We are hosting Pamela Wilson for an Advaita retreat in which each thought and feeling is welcomed as an opportunity to discover our true nature. In November, Dr. David Shlim will teach a Medicine & Compassion weekend on how to cultivate compassion even in the midst of the immense pressures placed on caregivers in our society. And it’s no accident that we call our upcoming winter dathün retreat “Practicing Fearlessness in Difficult Times.”

Please join us this fall for whichever retreat matches your own practice and needs.

As the seasons shift, Shambhala Mountain Center offers a gentle reminder that every interaction – every moment – is a chance to deepen our practice and to remember what is truly precious.

Brian Spielmann